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~ Do's and Don'ts for Divorcing Parents ~
Information Provided by Bernard Rothman,
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Do make sure your children
know (by specifically telling them) that you love them and that
the divorce is not their fault.
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Don't have hostile, name-calling
fights in front of the children.
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Do reassure your child
that divorce is not a sign of personal failure or a cause for
shame.
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Don't ask your child to
choose whom he or she loves more or with whom he or she wants
to live.
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Do establish positive
patterns of child care from the beginning of the separation.
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Don't let your child feel
like he or she is being shuttled between parents.
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Do let your child continue
being a child.
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Don't use the child for
emotional support or as someone in whom you confide your deep,
dark secrets.
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Do encourage the child
to have a continued relationship with your ex-spouse.
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Don't try to hurt your
ex-spouse by discouraging visitation.
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Do try to establish and
maintain a calm atmosphere and a stable environment.
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Don't say negative things
about your ex-spouse—even if you feel strongly that they are true.
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Do try to establish and
maintain regular patterns of visitation.
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Don't use your child to
deliver messages (especially negative ones) to your ex-spouse.
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Do inform your child's
teachers about your divorce and about any accompanying changes
in living arrangements.
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Don't prevent your ex-spouse's
parents and other relatives from having access to the child.
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Do try to include your
spouse in important decisions and events in your child's life.
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Don't allow issues of
visitation or custody to become linked with those of alimony and
child support.
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Do continue to reassure your children that even though you and your spouse no longer love each other, you will always love and care for them. |
